Sunday, October 30, 2011

Older Poetry, Read at your own Risk

most of these are older things, that I've never posted. Just thought I'd get some of that done while I can't sleep.
There is a story behind each one and a few I didn't post yet
I hope you enjoy some of them.

This one was spawned by Alyssa trying to get me to rhyme John's nickname.
I couldn't, thus this was born

Mythical Cooking 101
I've searched now for hours
through many volumes, as you see
for the rare and elusive
Sasquatch Recipe

The delay is not due
to a shortage of beast
I've a large one right here
on which we could feast

I don't really want to cook him
he's not even very mean
it seems a shame for one so tame
to be served with something green

I've found some on unicorns and dragons
chimera, sphinx and Spam
but if you ask my opinion
I'd much rather bake a ham

How to cook a Sasquatch
no one seems to know
so I guess despite my struggles
I'll just have to let this one go

This was from my 'hippie' writing phase. ugh some of these are almost painfully bad


Self destruct
see if anyone cares
scream and rant and rage
to no avail
no one hears you
no one knows
that your slowly choking
in this death grip we hold

You throat
once white and pure
shows the bruises
left by our unfeeling hands
your wrists scarred and torn
by your attempts to free
your soul
from this vice
that you cannot control

Inside you are dying
killed by our thoughtlessness
never knowing
never realizing
that once you are gone
we have nothing

so maybe you laugh
because you know
that soon you will be reborn
while we just decompose

This is one of my favorites, written about my then boyfriends mother and the nasty things she said about/did to me.
it's still powerful

Woman's Warning

My storm front is coming
the maelstrom is due
this force has moved mountains
what made you think it'd stop for you
so either hold on for dear life
or run while you can
because you'll never escape
what you won't understand

Yes your actions they hit me
like tornadoes through my mind
that tried to tear asunder
all the me that they could find
you found out you could not erase me
your methods neither just nor fair
and no amount of your destruction
changes the fact that I'm still there

So remember once my storm has passed
and the rain of truth still falls
that this battle isn't over
till I've broken down your walls
and risen from the rubble
of what you would not let be
to prove to you once again
that you could never break me

this one is what comes of heartache and a music major background

Pain In 4/4 Time

Confusion runs rampant
fear runs deep
betrayals past and present
still give cause to weep
wondering if you love me
wondering if you need me
wondering if she has you
wondering if I'll hate you
wondering if your like them
wondering if I'll wind up alone
looking back and wondering if

why'd you say you love me?
you didn't mean it
I was just convenient
why'd you say you trust me?
you never let me near
All you knew is fear
why'd you say you'd always be there?
you ran away so fast
your version of forever didn't last

I hope now that your all alone
you find your peace at last
no longer haunted by ghosts of me
or demons of your past
I hope this is what you wanted
though I tried to make you see
that until you learn to love again
alone is all you'll ever be
8-8-96 (1,2&3) 5-31-97 (4)
ooo in retrospect, the one above REALLY fits the person it was written for, even now.

more emo angsty ones!


and again I see me standing here
alone and afraid
to proud to say I love you
to weak to walk away
In your eyes
I never have my head on right
and my temper is to be feared
I am loud and blunt and clingy
while you crave mousy and reticent
but in case you haven't noticed
a wall flower I am not
and never will be

and again I feel as though
another one wants to change me
to keep only the parts
that pass inspection
and add new ones that meet
the desired factory specs
when the old ones annoy
but I am a person
not a car or a toy
and I have never been owned
and the parts are not interchangeable
for you or anyone else

so maybe as I stand here
alone and afraid
I can see you over there
more terrified of yourself
that you have ever been of me
and maybe the I love you
is all that you need
to break you from your frozen
single minded stupor
and make you say it to me

but my fear keeps me trapped here
and the ice of the past coats my tongue
so I speak not and want more
and wonder why you leave me

I got tired of false happiness
so now I sit in real pain
wishing my mind had left me alone
that I could shut off my brain
but I seem to destroy everything that I touch
and I sure as hell pulled this one apart
so now every time you call me love
the pain sinks like a well aimed dart

a compromise seems impossible
because my heart breaks in two
and my tender shattered soul
longs to cling to you
but that's not what you want
that is not what you choose
but hey, I'm getting used to it
I went in knowing I'd lose

never good enough for some
always outside looking in
you may not want to date me
but I make a damn good cardinal sin
I did not want this
nor did I need
but here I am again
watching myself bleed

The next three are about people who were or are still a part of my life,
one hurt one of them so bad she didn't speak to me for years
the other hurt me so badly I couldn't deal with the loss and the ache of her
and the last, was once my everything, but illness took her from me.

and if one of you reads this next one and it hurts you again, please know that I don't mean it to. I love you girly, I always have.
and you are NOT this poem, you never were, you were just the inspiration for a story in my soul that needed to get out.

Alone she sat in the dark of her room
staring at the relics of a long ago love
crying at the sadness she felt in her heart
and the fear of the envy gnawing within
of the life across her street
wishing, wanting, bargaining with all her soul
for just a little more time

just one more day she cried, as
she saw him carry his bride
through the door
just one more hour
and he would have been mine
oh the things I could do with a little more time

the days became nights
the nights into day
then weeks into years
as she faded away
her heart slowly died
on a warm sunny day
when the lives across her street
became suddenly three

Alone she still sits in
the dark of her room
staring at the relics
of a life gone by
and though she still feels
the sting in her eyes
she has run out of tears
she can no longer cry
though she still watches with envy
a love that never died

and somewhere deep within her, a tiny voice cries
oh please, just please, for a little more time

There are pieces of you every where I look
wikki-sitx and incense sticks
bottles of water and ghost of janis joplin
still linger in my room
the rain through the window
washed all but the tiniest bit of you from my pillow
but my tears can't wash you from my mind, my arms my heart
lingering spirits of doubt and guilt
creep up on me, in quiet moments
but I banish them away
with images of you fae
and dancing in the cold new years light
maybe all that ails us both
is nothing that a little snake oil wouldn't fix.


A goodbye to Sarah
There is a hole in me
where you used to be
an emptiness
that just won't leave
I can't fight it
so I fill it with tears
even after all this time
and they help wash away
the pain that lingers here
I still yearn for you
long for you
smell you on the wind
feel you in my soul
so much yearning, longing for you
in me
Once I thought you made me whole
and I, left with half of me
wasn't enough
Now I know that you were part of me,
and always will be
I love you


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